Hello and welcome to another stupid edition of stupid news! Straight from the vacuous pit that is the internet to you!
They say lightning never strikes the same place twice, but you can bet that somewhere, there's a poor bastard who just happened to be in two different places where it DID  strike. Today, we say goodbye to a man with worse luck than you...
Andrew Mallard was wrongly convicted in the murder of a jewelry store owner in 1994, and spent 12 years as a "guest of the state" before he was finally exonerated and released. Which would be plenty of "suck-luck" for most people. Andrew, on the other hand, had one more piece of bad news coming, in the form of a 19 year old hit-and-run driver.  This little miscreant plowed into Mr. Mallard while he was crossing the street on sunset boulevard in LA(why would you tempt fate by living in that shithole after prison anyway, Andy?), killing the man and answering the question of "how much worse can my luck get?"
R.I.P. Andrew Mallard. Here's hoping they don't screw up your paperwork and send you to hell this time. Then again, you HAVE lived in L.A...
And, once again, we head back to the state that keeps on giving: Florida.  A road crew in Doral, FL  misspelled the word "School", instead painting "SCOHOL CROSSING" at an intersection instead. Nobody knows how long it took to even notice the mistake, but the paint was dry by the time they did. Ok, some obvious jokes:
At least they weren't painting the  "STOOP" signs.
We know where the winners of the spelling bee DIDN'T go to work, after graduation.
"SCOHOL" sounds like something you'd mix with fruit juice to get underage girls drunk. "Here's YOUR juice box, Britney...." Feel free to make up your own. Send them in. You won't win anything, of course.
And finally, in Britain, a gynecologist is urging women NOT to stick garlic cloves into their vaginas to cure yeast infections. Because apparently, some do. There are so many things I could say right now. So. Many. Things. But I won't. I'll just sit here and enjoy this bowl of clams in garlic sauce....

Many Thanks,