Hello and welcome to the inaugural edition of STUPID NEWS! I get my stories from the same place that Nigerian princes who need your help with wire transfers, boner extending pills and moon landing conspiracies come from....
That's right...the internet! Instead of the "dark web", think of this one as the "dumb web". And like so many stupid news stories, this one starts in Florida....

The Hillesborough county sheriff's department responded to a complaint (yeah, THAT'S an understatement) about an alligator in the Wimauma walmart. (perhaps he thought he saw a relative among the fake alligator skin belts?)

Fish and wildlife officials loaded the 8 1/2 ft long gator(think of how many pairs of boots you could make from him!) into a truck and took him who knows where(probably to a bootmaker?)
Personally, I've seen uglier creatures in Walmart. If only I had called the fish and wildlife department...

And remember kids: anytime you can put Florida, a Walmart and an alligator into the same story, you have a winner. For those of you using this column as a drinking game, take 3 drinks now...